How to handle pressure on self
Five intriguing ways you hardly think of
Growing up to be an adult can be much fun and suck at the same time. It appears that we have well-painted images of who we want to be, what we want to do, how we want to do them. The society on the other hand seems to approach on a defense, fine tuning our images as time rolls by. At this stage, it feels like everything in life is happening all at once. An extra demand is placed on our energy, our time, our money and any other resource there is. In response to the demands, we become propelled to actions where we either hold on to ourselves or impress the society. Sometimes, the feeling comes best as being lost in an unknown especially when we do not know how to handle the pressure.
A perspective…a challenge or a threat?
In our present world, it is hard and near impossible not to be pressured by situations or persons. Images of perfection litters the media, such that if you spend long hours, the headache hits different. Daily, we are confronted with these thoughts at home or work and in response, we find ourselves trying hard to be that perfect person. It is sad we get worn out fast in this quest. Who doesn’t want to be- the great CEO, an awesome father, the perfect girlfriend, the most intellectual student, the smart worker?…pressure everywhere! There comes the big question; Is it wrong to want to be any of these? I’ll say it loud and clear, ‘Definitely, No!’
Why the jeremiad? Whatever we want to be or do, it becomes much more difficult to achieve when we are under much pressure. It isn’t about getting pressured alone, but more about the way we handle it to get outcomes.
A story…
Barely three days to my convocation as an undergraduate, the euphoria of leaving school started to diminish in bits. First, it appeared I was going to miss my friends, going to classes and sleepless nights but sooner, I realized it was more about what life held for me after school. I started to think of certain decisions, opportunities missed, not preparing hard enough for my well-sketched image and this and that…I remember getting overwhelmed that I placed a call through to a friend to ask if the feeling was mutual. The response came positive. I felt weak until a thought snapped in my head. “I wasn’t happy about my convocation which was what, I was meant to be doing.”
Guess what I was doing at this point? I was overthinking the future- something that hasn’t happened. Let’s run a quick analysis.
Was I wrong to be concerned about my future? No.
Was it wrong to scold myself for preparing unwell for a future? Maybe.
Was it wrong for me to over think the future? Choose your answer.
Did you say yes? That’s my answer too. And why? Because it robbed me of a present joy and had me whimpering for what I had no idea of. This is a scenario out of the many that confronts us on a daily basis whether consciously or not.
Live in the moment, a day at a time.
Making projections and having a big picture locked somewhere in our hearts is okay. However, living a day at a time remains a golden road to sanity. Richard Templar in his book ‘Rules of Life’, points out to the fact that we ought to cherish the present [the very now]. He says, ‘own the moment’. It is understandable that we have goals, but piling goals meant for tomorrow, next week, next month and even a year is super extreme. Figuring it all at once will not only drain you, literally it will drive you crazy. Even with a pressured victory, there still won’t be a satisfaction.
Focus on your processes, not the results.
Naturally, the response to pressure is anxiety. In this singular tree comes so many branches. All of the negative or positive thoughts self plays and there’s no choice than to go with the flow of whichever wins. Often, the negative does. Here, we rather judge ourselves harshly by manufacturing setbacks and disappointments which hasn’t happened and might not happen.
That is what self-imposed pressure can do to you. It makes anxiety your next door neighbor, toys with your emotional build up, gradually leads to having physical and mental crisis and simply, gets you exhausted without achieving much. While you might not be able to change a lot of things overnight, you need to stop pressuring yourself.
“The unfiltered truth is embracing who you are and what you can do at a reasonable pace.”
Speak to yourself loudly and be very sure every part of you hears it.
Our worries dissipate greatly, when we learn to be kind to ourselves, patient enough to recognize our needs, and gentle enough to discover who we are. Another identified truth that resonates in our mind is, ‘nobody is perfect’. Unfortunately, we embrace this idea the most when there is a perceived fault and not in its entirety on a usual day. To avoid unnecessary pressure on ourselves, we should be able to tell apart what seems true and what is true to us. What seems true is an idea based on thoughts, feelings, environmental happenings which might not become what is true while what is true becomes a fact. At this point, your level of optimism and resilience takes a warm seat, grab a cup of coffee to see how much of them you have and can exercise effectively.
Be truthful to yourself
The things we see, the things we hear and virtually everything around allows us to get pressured unconsciously. When pressure is seen to be a threat, we start a clout chase of getting accepted at all cost, our judgement is more clouded and we get exhausted trying. Here is the time to question your actions with ‘why?’ Ask yourself if some of those things will matter with time. If the answer is no, why getting yourself worked up?
Several times, we hinge our reasons on competitions we have created in our minds based on how successful people are and what people will think or say about us. The heartaches, worries and pressure that comes with our inability to say no is also as a result of our insincerity to ourselves. In a similar vein, we run off to set unrealistic goals and expectations.
It is your race, your time, your decisions, your results. It feels good when there is no faux and the freedom that comes with it is enjoyable. By doing this, you can identify your shortcomings and begin to work at it.
Take a step back and process
Again, do not drive yourself silly with the now syndrome. A goal is written with the primary aim of achieving it. Staying pressured can’t give you the confidence of how well you are doing. While your mind longs to respond with, “I’m fine”, your head tells you otherwise because pressure became a threat and not a challenge. You start to move so fast that you forget to articulate thoughts, forget to make plans, forget to be creative and even forget to breathe.
I picked up some lines from the 2020 movie titled ‘Stargirl’ directed by Julia Hart. It goes:
“…You have to know how you feel about everything. You can’t be unsure or confused or change your mind. There’s no time to figure out who you are. You have to know right now. Have you ever seen a flower grow? I mean, of course not. It’s nearly impossible to wait for anything that takes that long. But if you did, it would change you. It would slow you down and remind you that real things take time and it’s magic too. Isn’t it? You plant a seed in the ground, a whole word develops, stretches out and opens up. It’s easy to get confused when we’re moving so fast and to think we are doing the right thing when really, we are not. But if we’re lucky, we could find a balance- we could take a step back, we could take a breath. The next time you see a flower sticking out of the ground or in a vase, just remember that part of what makes it beautiful, is how long it took to grow.”
When pressure becomes a challenge to us, we channel our energies to doing great things with better results. At the end, when handled properly, we realize it is not a death sentence after all.
