Criticism…what happens when I can’t deal?
Some months ago, I attended a poetry fest organised in my resident city after putting up for a performance I wasn’t really prepared for. A fault of mine though, as I had a choice to attend and watch, or perform. Having gotten wind of the event quite late, the heady nut in me made me give a trial.
Being my first time at the event, I took some time out to observe the environment, people and of course, an air of expectation was all over the place. I saw the stage and felt like I was going to lose my breath, before it’d be my turn. You can make your guess, nervous right? Yeah, I damn was…scared out of my wits.
I had not memorized my lines and truthfully, it was one of my longest poems as at that time. The night before, I tried memorizing but the lines wouldn’t stick well so,uhh I gave up. I’d use my note I concluded after all, it was my first time.
Luckily and unfortunately for me though, I sat next to a gentleman, atleast he appeared as one. I gave a smile and he offered me a handshake,which I warmly accepted. Sooner, he engaged me and we got into a conversation while, I was getting absorbed in the poetic atmosphere.
After asking few questions related to the art in which, I gave my honest replies, his reaction thereafter sent some shivers down my spine.
I remember vividly, his words were:
“ You just said a whole bunch of rubbish. Who taught you those jargons? When did you even start writing? You aren’t even close to being good, if that is all you know.”
Oh my God! Those words stung me so hard that I imagined, a sting from a bee wouldn’t hurt that bad.
I could hear my head literally telling me, “who is he to talk to you like that? Well, you shouldn’t have gotten in this conversation” and my heart says, “just stay calm…you never can tell”.
Thankfully, I listened to my heart but the words were on repeat in my small head and wouldn’t stop to hunt me even days later.
Having my presentation next, I adjusted well in my sit, had a deep breath and
walked up to the stage with every ounce of courage I had left with my note pad. Oh! you thought I’d drop it? I read out my poem with the last drop of energy alongside enthusiasm I had and got a resounding applause from the audience. Hmm, that was encouraging, so I wore a smile back to my seat.
He bent over and my head goes- oooh not again please! Surprisingly he said, " that was really a beautiful poem and performance out there. Imagine the feel if you had recited it without a pad?”
I understood his message, afterall he was right and couldn’t judge him for his reaction earlier on. While I was trying to recollect the scenes, he was invited up the stage as one of the guest performers. What an intro! His performance left me speechless and I knew it right there... get better! That was enough, a take home lesson for me and an experience not to forget so soon.
I ran into him a couple of weeks later. Of course, he didn’t recognise me but can I forget such an experience? Hell no! I got criticised by a stranger who eventually turned out to be a friend.
And taking my lessons that day, helped me master my arts better.
Wait a minute! If you were the one, what would you do? Some zero chills and you fire back? Or did you just say, I will take my leave?
Criticism is a side of a coin we never like to toss as humans however, it remains an essential menu for a good diet that enhances growth in any sphere of life be it constructive or destructive. We all love compliments, the ovations and applauds that we sometimes, forget disapprovals can set in and rob us of those things that give us joy and pleasure.
What happens when you can’t deal?
I’ve been there and I can say for one, I know the feeling. The anger you want to unleash to make someone understand how hard you’ve worked, the tears you keep fighting to stay in their holes, the thought of never attempting that peculiar thing again… a countless number of its expressions. Perhaps, you have had worse case scenarios than I did, it isn’t too late to pick up the bits again especially, if you have thrown down the reins of trying.
Learning is a cycle that never ends unless, you decide to quit yours.
It is not appealing watching our confidence get bruised or ego tainted not alone talk of letting loose the precious esteem we hold for ourselves. The only way forward is to: Learn how to deal.
Before you ask me how, here are a few ways I know.
- Be Teachable and open to mistakes.
- Learn to let things go.
- Never respond to your critic in an unfriendly manner.
- Stick to the positive lessons,that is necessary for your development.
- Ask questions, if you must do.
- Think first, talk later.
- Make deliberate efforts to get better at your game.
- Hold the reins of your thought, not allowing the slightest form of depression to creep in.
Like a saying I grew up to know, “there is always an element of truth in every form of criticism”. This is from me to you,
“Know your truth and pick it up. Pick your truth and learn from it. Learn from it and utilise it.”
Trust me, you can always deal.
